Simply, it's just that first feeling of shock. And then you close your eyes and you know that when you open them, you will wake up from a terrible nightmare. But you open your eyes. And you don't wake up... and you are scared. And you want to blame it on someone, anyone. Just not them. Definitely not them. Nurses, doctors, other staff, hell, even the cigarette company. Anyone who had any impact on their life must die. But then you wake up. And you're a 16 year old girl with 1 friend, 2 ex-friends, 3 ex-boyfriends, and 4 goals in life. And you realize none of it will ever work out. Because you're scared. You're scared of your "friends," your desires, your peers, yourself. So you go to sleep again, hoping that when you wake up, you're 30 years old with a husband, two kids, a dog, and a nice big home in Rich White Suburbia. And then you wake up. And it's just another day.